I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
