Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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