he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
