my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
