i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
