she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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