maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
