Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
