I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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