Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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