i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
