i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
