Can i not drive my cunt home
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
