i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
