I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
