Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
