adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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