Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
