If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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