Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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