We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
