Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I look better un-naked...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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