im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
