nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
