the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
