I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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