just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
