I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
