Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
