She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
