I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
