We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
