im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
