Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i believe in u and ur pee
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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