Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
