im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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