i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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