I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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