Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
