Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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