in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
