ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
