We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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