We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
