who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
