My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
