Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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