I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
