toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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