Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My balls are so social today.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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