My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
