I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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