"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
