my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize