I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
