i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
