I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
