I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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