I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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