I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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