I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
