pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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