so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
